Conclusions

Conclusions
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

As my treatment comes to a close I have no real conclusions on Chemotherapy. I know I wish I didn't have to do it. I know it breeds an amazing spirit within patients that brings them together to share experiences, support each other and complain about hospitals. I know it's not as bad as people must imagine. I know I'm glad I have a 90% chance of being cured. I know I'm shiting myself about the other 10%. But apart from that no real conclusions yet.

Sugar Is A Drug

Sugar Is A Drug
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

Diabetic Jelly is the new Diabetic Charlie satire fans. This desert had no sugar but plenty of ground up animal bones and absolutely no taste, just the colour yellow.

Well at least Middlesbrough have a vegetarian option that ain't just a big block of cheese with a boiled egg in the middle and a glass of milk on the side.

However like most hospitals they still don't understand Diabetes. When they discovered I was diabetic they decided without consultation or cohesive reason to amend by lunch replacing my vegetable soup with leek soup (...why!?) and apple cake and custard with prunes!

Note to all medical staff: insulin opens the gateway for sugar into the body's cells thus I can eat what the fuck I want - you don't need to take the decision out of a 23 year old's hands. Oh yeah, and vegetable soup ain't got no sugar in it.

Role Call Yall

Role Call Yall
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

We have: M1 - The youngest at 19. Quiet. Reads Zoo, Loaded and The Sun. Has lost his hair through Chemo. Nice enough lad.

Next up is M2: The friendliest of the group. Can be a bit raw at times, loud and swears all the time. He's very longwinded when he gets going. Seems to talk about pigeons and grit alot. He is having both Chemo and Radiotherapy and his wife had cancer too so I feel for the guy.

Next K: He pissed himself but is alright enough. He's an ex-farmer from Wensleydale so I get on well with him coming from neighbouring Swaledale.

Now D: Clearly the poshest of the lot as he reads books and that. Doesn't say much and is getting a bit sick of M2 being so nice to him.

And finally G. He's got an awful lot of anecdotes for one man, but at least they go somewhere unlike M2's pigeon talks. Saying that he did talk about bread for 45 minutes.

This is the weird and wonderful bunch that make up Ward 14, Bay 4 - so good they named it twice.

No TV and No Beer Make Homer Something Something...

Go mad? Don't mind if I do! This ward is a bit behind most on facilities. There is one TV but it's between everyone and the channel of choice for a room full of strangers seems to be ITV1 all the way. It's a safe bet to not offend most people. However I'm not most people and watching it angries up the blood. I'm sick of The Price Is Right already and I've only seen it once.

I do however miss my own phone. It's nice to think people can get in touch. I seem to be getting away with using a mobile phone like most Cancer sufferers. It would have to be a very ballsy nurse (no pun intended) to stop someone whose having Chemo from doing just about anything really.

Sexism In The Drugplace

Sexism In The Drugplace
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

Why is the nurse call button so sexist? For a start it's a women not a metro-gender being. It's called codemlon, which I can only imagine you pronounce code melon. That kinda speaks for itself. Also she's wearing a very short skirt, drinking a pint of bitter and for some reason her legs taper to points. She might want to get that seen to.

The Wait

The Wait
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

Waiting for my treatment to start took 3 hours as there were 12 people in front of me and no drugs available. I've now started the first stage of treatment, which basically involves more waiting around as salty water is pumped into my body. This could possibly be the most boring illness in the whole world!

Well it's getting slightly more interesting. My bag has been swapped - I now have toxic chemicals flowing through my veins! Also, I've found other youngish people, which makes it slightly less alien. So far I feel fine apart from a slight metally taste in my mouth.

I now have my own bed but it's in a ward from the dark ages. I guess the wait is over and the journey has begun...

Would You Wank Here?

Would You Wank Here?
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

I have. Twice. At least they had a classier porn mag this time. Mayfair is much more acceptable, can't be havin' Razzle folks. Looking at your own sperm swimming away underneath a microscope next to a bloke called Dave is a weird experience but also slightly nice. Dave is a very trusting fellow. He shook my hand both before and after the event. I assured him I had washed my hands, which he was grateful for, but it kinda made him think about the others.

What You Find In Pound Shops

What You Find In Pound Shops
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

My mam once said the thing about pound shops is, everything they sell is worth about a pound. In other words it's not like you're getting a good deal or anything.

Anyway I found this glow in the dark cannabis right as you go through the door. It was 25p. How are you meant to explain this to yer kids? Only in the UK!

GP's Admit Crimes

GP's Admit Crimes
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

I found this funny. At least they're honest about why it takes so long to get in and see them. It's because they're in the car park nicking the contents of your glovebox.

Frozen Jizz

Frozen Jizz
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

Tomorrow I have to wank into a cup in the afternoon in a strange place. That's right I'm storing sperm in case the Chemo makes me infertile. Great fun!

I wonder if any nurses are allowed to help out?

3 Vices In 1

3 Vices In 1
Originally uploaded by stemflickr.

Here you find in my home town all your vices in one handy shopping complex.

Why not buy some fatty fast food, get some organ corroding booze and put a bet on your favourite horse. All we need now is some scanky hos and a crack den. Oh wait we've already got those down the street.

These literally are the local amenities for this area of town. Luckily I don't live round here or I would probably still be practicing 'humans and drugs' and not writing about it.

Hello World!

Welcome to Chemical Therapy, a blog about humans and drugs. In my life I've encountered Depression, Addiction, Bell's Palsy, Type I Diabetes, Diabetic Symmetric Peripheral Polyneuropathy and most recently Testicular Cancer.

All of these afflictions have involved chemicals in one way or another and as I'm about to undergo Chemotherapy I thought it would be interesting to record my thoughts through the process in this blog. Hopefully it might help someone who's about to face a similar experience or it could just be interesting, funny and hopefully moving.

My treatment starts on the 27th of June and lasts for 9 weeks. I'll be sending in a report at the end of each week. Wish me luck and keep reading to find out how it goes.